


waking up without weight

by buddiebuddie (positivelystisaac)



Series: white house AU [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, President Evan Buckley, Special Agent Eddie Diaz, White House AU, lil bit of emotional h/c so imma go ahead and tag it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:16:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23372923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/positivelystisaac/pseuds/buddiebuddie
Summary: “Buck breathes for real for the first time all day, relaxing into the weight of Eddie’s arms around him. The coils wound so tightly in his gut loosen with the hum of his Eddie’s voice, low in his ear as he whispers ‘hey’ and ‘it’s okay’ and ‘I got you’ into Buck’s hair.”Presidents aren’t supposed to get anxious on airplanes. Buck knows that much. Especially not ones who were decorated Navy SEALs and spent years on covert missions jumping out of said planes. And yet, here he is.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: white house AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677313
Comments: 14
Kudos: 332





	waking up without weight

**Author's Note:**

> part three! timeline wise, comes after [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21403969/chapters/51171838) during the second year of Buck’s presidency, though it can stand alone
> 
> title, once again, from don’t take the money by bleachers & lorde

“We’re wheels up to the tarmac in five,” Maddie calls out as she breezes through the hallway, briefcase in one hand and a to-go carrier of coffees in the other. She stops suddenly as her phone starts ringing from where it’s wedged between the four cups. She swears under her breath, dropping her left shoulder only long enough to set her briefcase on the floor. Her right arm begins to shake as she tries to steady the coffees amid her movements. She grabs her phone, bringing it to her ear. 

“Maddie Buckley.” She tilts her head, pinning her phone between her shoulder and her ear as she grabs her briefcase from the floor and starts walking again. 

“Can you bring coffee?” 

“Does that mean you haven’t left yet?” Maddie hisses, the smile she flashes as she passes one of the White House interns masking the annoyance that Buck just stirred up inside her. 

“Depends. Are you bringing coffee?”

“You’re infuriating.” 

“So I’ve heard,” Buck replies. There’s some shuffling, and then a distant shout of “Maddie, hi!” 

Maddie’s face lights up at the sound of Eddie’s voice. “Is that Eddie? Give him the phone.”

Though Buck doesn’t answer her directly, she can hear the two of them arguing, though it be a little muffled. 

“Give the woman what she wants.”

“No way.”

“Buck.”

“No, you’re just going to tell on me.”

“You’re not even dressed yet, it’s only a matter of time until she figures it out.”

“Eddie!” Buck whines. Eddie must have finally wrangled the phone from him, because his voice is suddenly perfectly clear. 

“Hey, Maddie.”

“Is he going to be in the car in the next—” she pauses, checking her watch. “Three minutes?”

“Highly unlikely,” Eddie says, just as Buck shouts “Yes I will be!” from somewhere behind him.

Maddie groans audibly, making her way down the final corridor leading to the residence. She had been planning to just swing by long enough to bring Chim a coffee and meet up with a waiting Buck and Eddie on the way to the car, but alas, Chim’s the only one she sees as she approaches the double doors. She pauses only long enough to extend the tray of coffees out to him. He takes one with a grin, opening the door for her and pressing a quick kiss to her cheek as she passes. “You’re the best,” he calls out after her as she storms right into the presidential bedroom without so much as knocking, the sound of Buck and Eddie’s bantering continuing through the phone still pressed to her ear. 

She tosses her briefcase on the unmade bed, using her now-free hand to pull her phone from her ear and hang it up. She looks up at where Buck is scrambling to knot his tie, his feet bare, hair still wet. Eddie is standing across from him, arms crossed and watching him with an amused grin. 

“Seriously?” Maddie asks, sizing up the scene. 

“Seriously,” Eddie replies. 

“Eddie’s fault,” is all Buck has to say for himself. “If he didn’t come in here looking like that, I would—”

“Gross, stop!” Maddie exclaims, just as Eddie says “Hey now!”

“You promised me you would be ready to go at eight. The plane’s waiting, which means the car is waiting to take us to the plane. Which is waiting. In case you missed that part.” 

“Well, something came up.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Eddie, who just shakes his head. “Literally.”

“Okay!” Maddie says hurriedly. “I’m going to go hold the car and try not to vomit. Get going.”

“But the coffee!” Buck protests. 

“You’re not getting it until your ass is in the car,” Maddie calls over her shoulder.

Eddie’s cheeks are on fire by the time she closes the door behind her, stepping into the hallway. He raises an eyebrow at Buck, who’s hopping on one foot as he tries to pull his left sock on. 

“I mean, am I wrong?” is all Buck has to say for himself as he shoves his now sock-clad feet into his shoes. He doesn’t bother to tie them, just slips his feet in and then all but runs into the bathroom, grabbing his comb.

“Here, let me,” Eddie says, kneeling in front of him and beginning to tie his shoes.

“Teamwork makes the dream work,” Buck muses, turning to check his hair in the mirror. Satisfied, he tosses the comb on his nightstand. Eddie stands, only to be pulled in for a slow kiss, Buck’s fingers wrapped around his tie.

“What was that for?” Eddie smiles, running a hand over Buck’s chest to smooth out his lapels. 

Buck grins. “Just in case Maddie kills me. Could be our last kiss.”

“Well,” Eddie replies. “Then I’ll never forget it.”

The first time Buck rode on Air Force One, he was a Navy SEAL riding with his team as guests of the president and he couldn’t stop staring. It was unlike anything he’d ever seen before– if he weren’t such a nervous flier, he’d almost have forgotten he was in the air at all, that’s how spectacular it was. Three floors of meeting spaces, kitchens, security hubs, and guest seating; and a better wifi connection than he and Maddie got in their two-bedroom apartment on F street. 

It’s been ten years since then, and he’s gone from the SEALs to the House to the cabinet, and now to the presidency. He can’t count the number of hours he’s spent aboard, yet the magnificence of Air Force One still seems to stun him each time. As he makes his way up the steps to board, despite his eyes catching the presidential seal on the side of the plane and being greeted with “Welcome aboard, Mr. President,” he still can’t shake the butterflies.

He ducks his head as he crosses the threshold, stepping into the hallway that leads to his in-air office. He might as well be that 27-year old SEAL again, with the way his stomach flips in anticipation. He glances over his shoulder, eyes lingering on Eddie as the agent takes his spot near the plane’s entrance. 

They’re flying from D.C. to Tokyo so Buck can attend a state dinner hosted by the Japanese Prime Minister. It’s a fun trip, and Buck is certainly looking forward to being wined and dined (and, assuming Eddie can find a way to sneak into his hotel room, perhaps also sixty nined.) But he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t dreading the thirty hours of air travel standing between him and the next time he’d be in his own bed. 

He never had an issue with flying– when he was a SEAL, he flew in the back of cargo planes, jumped out the side of more than he could possibly count, and experienced his fair share of vertical landings. It wasn’t until their plane went down during takeoff during a routine resupply mission that he found himself anxious at the mere mention of flying. 

It was no one’s fault, which is what spooked him the most. No enemy fire taking them down, no pilot error, not even a freak storm or the pilot falling victim to a random medical emergency. Just unexplained engine failure that no one could have seen coming. 

He’ll never forget the feeling as the plane all but nose-dived, the way his stomach seemed to drop to his toes, the hair on his neck standing up as his buddies around him started to say goodbye, the pilot instructing them to brace for impact. He hears that voice in his head sometimes, replaying on a loop when Air Force One hits turbulence. _Brace, brace, brace._

They all survived that day, but the fear he felt in those moments stuck around longer than the broken leg and bruised ribs. 

Having Maddie with him helps. Eddie, too, even though they don’t get to spend much time together on trips like these, especially when Eddie has to work on the flights. Today, his day is spent in the in-air office, his time split between meetings with his aides, working on his speech for the state dinner, and dialing into conference calls with legislators back in D.C. It’s nearly ten o’clock when Maddie pokes her head into his office. 

“Hey,” she smiles. “I’m going to sleep. You doing okay?” 

He nods. It’s not exactly the truth, but it’s not a lie either. But he isn’t having a panic attack, isn’t gripping the edge of his desk so hard his knuckles go white, isn’t counting the seconds of each breath he takes just to keep from hyperventilating. Sure, his skin is buzzing, his chest tight as it always seems to be anytime he’s in the air. He hasn’t been able to focus since his last call ended an hour ago, his office now empty. He hasn’t been able to stomach much, the scotch that his favorite flight attendant brought him still sits untouched on his desk. He’s not great, but he’s better than he has been in the past. 

“You sure?” she asks. He nods again. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” he smiles, standing up with a yawn. “I’m right behind you, actually.”

Maddie doesn’t look too convinced, but she nods anyway. “Well, you know where to find me if you need a friend.” 

He crosses the small room, pulling her in for a hug. “Love you, Mads.”

“You too, Ev.”

She makes her way to her own tiny office, where the couch turns down into a bed. Buck heads downstairs to the president’s quarters, where he has a full bedroom and bathroom. The view from his room is incredible. Situated at the very front of the plane, windows line either wall, offering a nearly panoramic view of the skies. The sun has long since gone down, leaving the room blanketed in darkness. 

He wills sleep to come, but it doesn’t. He can hear his heart racing, pounding in his chest as he tosses and turns. He can’t shut his mind off, no matter how hard he tries. 

He gives up around midnight, sitting up and grabbing his phone off the charger beside him. He knows Maddie told him to come get her if he needed, but as much as he loves his sister, she’s not who he needs right now. 

**You still working?**

_Nope_ Eddie replies not even a minute later. _How are you?_

Buck’s fingers hover over the touch screen, unsure of how to answer that. Eddie watches the three dots appear and disappear several times, before he gets up from his seat in the security control room. He’s the only one in here, the other agents on the flight stationed throughout the plane.

 **I’m fine** Buck finally sends, just as there’s a soft knock on the door. 

He opens the door, a triangle of light growing on the ceiling and illuminating his features. 

“Mr. President, sorry to bother you,” Eddie says, voice neutral. He holds up a manilla file folder. “Do you have a minute?” 

“Special Agent Diaz,” Buck says, relief flooding his system. “Come in.”

Eddie steps into the room, pushing the door closed behind him quietly, then engaging the lock. Buck crosses the small room to sit on the edge of the bed. All it takes is one look at Buck for Eddie to notice how absolutely wrecked he looks. The lamp is throwing off enough light for Eddie to see the circles below his eyes, the way his cheeks are sinking in and how his hands are shaking ever so slightly. He sits beside him, dropping the folder onto the ground absentmindedly. It flops open as it hits the floor, revealing it to be empty. Buck’s heart squeezes at the thought of Eddie going to the trouble of staging a reason for his visit, props and all. 

“Are you really?” Eddie asks. 

“Am I really what?” 

“Fine.”

Buck swallows around the lump in his throat. Of course he’s not. He’s reliving the worst day of his life and has been for hours. He’s been pretending not to be, has been trying to put on a brave face and trying to play the part of the fearless commander in chief. But now that the day’s meetings are dismissed and the calls are over, the bills written and documents signed, there’s nothing to hide behind anymore. And the gnawing feeling is back in his gut, his throat tight as the anxiety all but consumes him. 

He shakes his head.

“Hey,” Eddie says, taking Buck’s face in his hands. 

Buck relaxes into his touch, taking a long and shaky breath. He closes his eyes, trying to keep the hot tears he hadn’t realized were welling up from spilling over.

“Oh, baby,” Eddie murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of Buck’s head, pulling the taller man to his chest. 

Buck breathes for real for the first time all day, relaxing into the weight of Eddie’s arms around him. The coils wound so tightly in his gut loosen with the hum of his Eddie’s voice, low in his ear as he whispers _hey_ and _it’s okay_ and _I got you_ into Buck’s hair.

Eddie thinks back to the flights on the campaign trail, how Buck’s white knuckles on the armrest were the only indication anything was wrong. He kept the charm turned on, chatting with staffers and conducting business as usual. No one was the wiser, no one knew their fearless candidate was sweating inside, his iron grip on the armrest the only thing keeping him from trembling outright. No one but Eddie, that is. 

It was a few weeks in when Eddie cornered him at the snack cart at the back of the plane. “You ever want to talk about it, I’m here.” 

Buck was confused. “Talk about what?” 

“I know what happened in Kabul,” Eddie had replied, placing a hand on Buck’s arm. “I can only imagine how hard this has to be. Flying every week, sometimes every day.”

Buck had let out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding. Even though he’d only known Eddie a few weeks, something in his gut told him he could trust him— he didn’t need to put up his fearless leader facade with Eddie— he didn’t have to hide anything. “How stupid, right?” he choked on a sardonic laugh. “A Navy SEAL afraid to fly.” 

“That’s not how I see it at all,” Eddie had said, stepping closer. “I see an American hero trying to keep his trauma from disrupting his life and all the good he’s trying to do for this country.” 

Buck was speechless. “You don’t think I’m weak?” 

Eddie shook his head. “The opposite, actually.”

“You okay?” Eddie’s voice is quiet, gentle. Some time has passed and they’ve moved from the edge of the bed to beneath the blankets, Eddie’s arms wrapped around Buck’s stomach, holding him close. Buck’s back is pressed to Eddie’s chest, his thumb rubbing lazy circles on the back of Eddie’s hands. He’s staring out the plane windows at the night sky, flashes of light from the wing lights illuminating the darkness every couple of seconds. 

Buck nods. “Yeah,” he says, lacing his fingers with Eddie’s. It’s the truth. “I am now.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :) 
> 
> leave me a prompt for what you’d like to see in the next story in this verse!


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